My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
