Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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