Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
