where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
