Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
