My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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