So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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