What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
