her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize