I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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