i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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