She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
