I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
