Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Randomize
