even my farts smell like vagina
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize