The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
