Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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