Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
