i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
