Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
vagina is talking i cant
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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