just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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