I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
