I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want her autograph on my taint
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
