I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
