You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
