Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
