Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
