escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
