I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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