Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
