Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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