Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
