fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
