i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
