Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
