I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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