She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
