I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize