she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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