called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
should my penis look like a turkey
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
