why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
