If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
