What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
