Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
