I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
