I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
