My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He? As in you personified your dick?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
