hotel room ftw
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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