oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
