Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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