As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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