This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
