please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
should my penis look like a turkey
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
