Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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