Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
