Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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