I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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