Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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