Non-Jews are for practice
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
