Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
