I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Terrible idea I love it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
