The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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