speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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