Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Its about making memories worth repressing
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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