i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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