i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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