well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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