I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize