When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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